To blog or not to blog...
Yet again I am drawn to share some of my thoughts and experiences, and yet again I am not sure if I'll be disciplined enough keep posting on regular basis. For now I will write this one post and maybe that will lead to future posts, who knows.
Life seems to be full of "who knows" and all one can do is try to be flexible enough to adjust and I am noticing that unlike my physical flexibility, which seems to be vanishing with each birthday, my ability to change course when life throws hurdles at me, is improving. Gee, by the time I am 100 years old, I might even start looking forward to shifting winds.
I am training for Mt. Rainier yet again. Two years ago we started the summit bid under the clear, star studded sky but after a couple of hours the weather changed dramatically. Whiteout and very strong winds turned our team of summit hopefuls and our guides around. Even though we did not make it, that partial climb was the hardest physical thing I have ever done. I ran a marathon and biked 100mi in howling winds and rain - that was nothing in comparison to the climb. My legs were screaming for mercy, my lungs hated every oxygen deprived breath, and yet as soon as we reached the safety of the hotel, I knew I wanted to go back. So last year I started training again but just a couple of weeks before the climb the family situation forced me to cancel the trip.
I am lucky to have another chance to try, this time on a more difficult route with a heavier pack. What was I thinking? Have I forgotten how hard it was the first time? Why challenge myself even more? - I have no answers. Something whispered in my ear that expedition style climb will be more fun. That something forgot to whisper that this expedition comes without Sherpas to carry my gear for me.
|I'm just happy I could ditch the backpack|
In Ewa's world having dreams is easy. It is also easy to make plans as to how to realize those dreams. But in Ewa's world trusting in the process, keeping motivation and discipline high is very, very hard.
I knew I would have to train harder this time but I also knew I had a friend's promise of daily support "till the climb and beyond". I was all set then, my morale high, I was working out even on the days when just a thought of exercise made me feel exhausted, I was pushing myself and felt like there was nothing that could stop my progress. I was grateful and kept thanking the stars and my friend for all the help I was getting. I could not believe my good luck.
And then the support vanished, without warning, without explanation. I was devastated... I was left at the critical stage of my training totally on my own.
Apologies came much later but that was it, no offers of future help no words of encouragement. That felt like another blow.
It took me a quite some time to find my inner balance and strength to continue. I have nobody but myself to blame for the lost training time. I should not have relied on the outside help, I should have kept my focus no matter what.
I am back on track, I think. I am training again and hopefully there is still enough time to bring myself into climbing shape. The Mt Rainier guides tell me I need to be in the best shape of my life... so here come lunges, squats, deadlifts, pullups, pulldowns, hikes with the expedition weight (50-60lb) pack, runs, more lunges, more squats...
Best shape of my life, where are you?
The other day I managed to hike at a half way decent pace 3.5mi with 3,200ft in elevation gain (in my book that's pretty steep) with a 55lb backpack without any stops and did not die in the process.
There is hope, there is still hope...
I know I need to go faster but I still have several weeks and if I keep my focus, I just might be able to make it, and if not... well, if not, I will have learned a very valuable lesson that the only person I should have full trust in is me. And that, is not as bitter a lesson as it may seem to be. If I learn it well, it will make me a much stronger person, and that will be a very good thing.
|Picture stolen from RMI Guides website. Emmons Glacier climb.|