We mark our history by big events, wars, accidents, important discoveries, births of children or important people. In my personal history I too have many of such turning points like marrying my husband, leaving Poland, having my son and many other ones. Now I added a brand new event. Breast cancer. There is definitely a before cancer period but I am not sure if there will be the kind of 'after 'I was hoping for; you know, the kind of after when one does not relive the event anymore, the after that is just like before used to be, as if nothing had happened. So yes, I had my partial mastectomy, which, I am told, went very well. That means that as far as anybody knows, my cancer cells are gone. So am I in the afterI period? Is my cancer gone or will it be still sitting in my head, lightly covered by other thoughts, surfacing in most unexpected moments? Will there ever be 'after-my-cancer' untroubled time or will I forever feel I need to be obsessing vigilant about my lifestyle choices?
And then I thought that maybe those important moments in history are not meant to ever go away. We we need to be remembering them, talking about them, reliving them. Maybe what makes them important is that they make us stop, think, learn and move on hopefully wiser for the experience.
And then I thought that maybe those important moments in history are not meant to ever go away. We we need to be remembering them, talking about them, reliving them. Maybe what makes them important is that they make us stop, think, learn and move on hopefully wiser for the experience.
I am not sure what my breast cancer has taught me, it is still early for any summations. I know I am not finished with it yet and there is quite a bit to be done before I can say I got rid of it. I can only hope that I will emerge wiser or all this worry, some pain and discomfort will have been for nothing.
I wanted to share a couple of things about surgery.
First one is that nurses are most amazing angels on this earth. They work so hard, earn so little and yet they manage to make cranky sick people comfortable with their caring, smile, sense of humor and dedication. They made me feel as if I were in a spa getting ready for a massage.
Second thing is actually almost funny. I had a fantastic surgery. Yes, I did. They knocked me out with some drugs and then I dreamed. I am not kidding, I dreamed that I was running and backpacking John Muir Trail, something I am hoping to do next year though the running part with a 40lb backpack over 210miles is questionable. I woke up just minutes before I was done with the trail. When the anesthesiologist asked me how I was doing, I honestly told him he should have kept me under for just 5 more minutes because I had a dream to finish. I am hoping to finish it next year.
I am feeling I am on a way to recovery and am already planning my runs and backpacking trips. I was told no strenuous activity for some number of days but light backpacking is not that hard, is it? And I can't run far or fast right now anyway. :) Oh, if those sweet nurses could hear me now.
There is no better medicine than kindness and caring so I want to thank you all for wonderful comments and good wishes. I know I will get better sooner because of your encouraging words.
