Random thoughts about my visit to Poland

To my dear aunt:

I love you dearly but don't you think that considering that we came to Poland to say good bye to a guy who died of food overdose, force feeding us is not the best way to honor his memory? I love your yummy food, delicious butter saturated potatoes smothered in tasty, creamy sauces, rich and sweet cakes, ice cream, chocolates, cookies, and all the other goodies you had for us, but please understand, even if I tried, I cannot eat ever a fifth of what you expected me to eat. Wait, haven't we had that conversation (many times) before?

To Warsaw city planners:

I applaud you for adding more and more bike paths. I loved seeing so many people commuting to work on bicycles. Now could you please send a delegation to San Jose to teach our city planners how to add such paths to already existing streets and sidewalks?

And hats off to you for expanding public transportation in the city. Why on earth people drive cars in Warsaw is beyond me. I love the fact that more and more popular tourist areas are being closed off to car traffic. How about now closing off the rest of the city? :)

To Polish weather people:

Could you please do something about humidity at least for when I visit? I don't visit that often so it is not like I am asking too much. I really do not like running and even walking is not fun when it is humid. And one more thing, after a nice, big storm, I would expect the air to be crisp and clear. I noticed on several occasions that storms did not produce that effect. I think you are wasting storm power that way.


To Warsaw fellow runners:
Running Agricola Street does not count as hill running, I checked it out. Maybe my Sierra Mountains perspective is skewed but for goodness sake, a slight incline does not make it a hill. So face it, Warsaw is FLAT and there is nothing much you can do about it.

To road fixing crews:

I know you are only trying to ensure your continuing employment but trust me, roads are so bad, you are in no danger of loosing your jobs. In several places I drive thorough on regular basis when I visit, I remember you filling potholes just a year ago. Guess what, they are baaack. For goodness sake, can't you do a better job?

To whoever is responsible:

I don't think fumigation is an answer but those mosquitoes in the city center are a total nuisance, in case you have not noticed. They made us behave at the funeral ceremonies in the most undignified way. Just try to picture a bunch of people standing around a grave slapping themselves silly. Can't you or anyone do something about that? Seriously, in all my life and then frequent visits in Warsaw, I have never seen so many mosquitoes. Some parks would have them but now they seem to have adapted to car fumes and bite even on busy city streets. They may ruin the tourist industry if something is not done and fast. 

To Polish (or is it EU) food industry:

When I see a label saying 'butter', I expect to find inside the wrapper butter, right? Am I missing something? I don't know what tripped me to actually read the ingredients list but imagine my surprise when I found out that what I was holding in my hand was only 60% butter and the rest was partially hydrogenated oils = poison.  

To Polish citizens:

-I know you have always admired all that is American but c'mon, you don't have to copy and then improve on everything you see in the States. Food portions in your restaurants are getting bigger than those we have here. Eating more food will not make you better. Trust me, I know. I just buried a guy who believed that.

-And have you noticed that the number of pastry shops in Warsaw is equalled only by the number of pharmacies? Hint, hint!

-I am so glad to see, every time I come, more of you running and biking. This time not even one person stared at this middle age woman (me that is) who was running. Now if you could only encourage the other part of the population to move their a$$es more because in all my visits I have never seen so many fat people as this time. 

-And could you please stop that self flagellation? I am sick and tired of hearing how bad things are in Poland in comparison to the rest of the world and how it is the Polish character that makes it so. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Actually it seems to me that with Polish economy being the only one still growing in Europe, you are doing quite well. Stop complaining and start enjoying. 

-I believe tolerance is a virtue. You will have a healthier society if you stop bitching about gays and lesbians, foreign immigration and anyone who is different. Period.

To Polish drivers:

-Just because you drive fast and expensive cars, does not mean you have to drive like maniacs. Or are you trying to beat Greece for most road fatalities per capita? You are not that far off.

On the positive note, you could teach American drivers what turn signals are for. Many here have no idea.

-With gas prices being way higher than those in the US, how come you don't buy hybrid cars?

To Polish DMV:

I love how tough your driver's license exams are. I am not sure I would pass one. Now do you think you could have an exam for common sense when driving too? 

To the car industry:

Since so many countries now require cars to have with lights on, why on earth do I have to remember to turn them on? Couldn't they just come on automatically once I turn the ignition on? You know, my memory is not what it used to be and the fines for forgetting are quite high. 

To car rental agencies in Europe:

Get that smirk off your face when renting me, a person from the States, a standard transmission car. I know how to drive with a stick and I love it, so the joke is on you. 

Disclaimer: this time renting a car was a must. Normally, to the horror of my family and many friends, I move around Warsaw without one, I don't get lost and I love public transportation.

To whoever thought that hosting Euro 2012 Soccer Games was a good idea:

That huge and ugly monster stadium you are building in Warsaw is a total waste of money especially that because of how it was designed, it won't be able to host any track and field events (smart, really smart).  Wouldn't it be better to spend that money on fixing roads? And they need fixing badly.

To Polish television:

Sorry, can't comment since I did not turn the TV on even once. I hear though it is as good as American television. That is not meant to be a compliment. One more tip, adding more channels will not improve the quality of your programming. 

To Polish print media:

You are at the new low. In communist times you were forced to print crap but even in those times, one could find the truth between the lines. Now there is no room for truth and objectivity anywhere, all is filled by sensationalism and nonsense. Is honest journalism dead in Poland or is it hiding underground again?

To Polish kids:

I am not complaining about my childhood but I envy you nevertheless. Being able to just jump on the plane to spend a few days in this or that European country for practically nothing is something I could never had dreamed of. I love it that most of you speak at least two foreign languages.  There is the whole world out there for you to explore, just disconnect yourselves from your laptops, and TV please.

To Starbucks, Subway, KFC and so on:

I don't know what to say anymore so I can get through to you. I keep seeing your signs all over the world and I cringe. I do not go to Poland to have coffee at Starbucks; there are plenty of excellent coffee shops there all over the place. I do not crave Subway sandwiches. I certainly will not be buying KFC. Could you just stick to the US? I do not want to feel like I am in America when I go to Paris, London, Tokyo, or Warsaw.

So these are just a few things that would make Ewa happy when she travels to Poland. I am not asking too much, am I?