I've been guilty of being too busy for reality. Read on...
This article made a huge impression on me. I've been thinking about it for days now and I cannot escape the feeling of guilt and shame. See, I got pulled into this wonderful world of virtual friendships. After all what is not to like? They e-friendships are so easy to maintain: a short message, a Facebook 'like' click, an occasional email; virtual relationships do not require commitment, they don't affect me too much - I can have hundreds of friends, support them with a few clicks on my keyboard or iphone and can feel good about myself without feeling their pain when they suffer, but also without really feeling their joy when they are happy. Sadly enough, when I examine my life, I see that many of my real friends have moved, or was it me who moved them, into the virtual domain too. I know, I am not the only guilty one here. After all I am in their virtual world also. We still call and meet but not as often as we used to. It is easier to email. It is even easier to text or exchange messages on Facebook. We tell each other how busy we are. Too busy to talk? Too busy to listen? Too busy to meet face to face?
If I claim I am busy but I find the time to watch a movie, browse the internet, make silly comments on Facebook, I am sending a message to the universe that in my life those things have a priority over true and real relationships. I am creating a world for myself in which real people are replaced by screen images and talk is replaced by clicks.
Is this the kind of a world I want to live in? I don't think so.
Is this the kind of a world I want to live in? I don't think so.
For a number of months now I've been struggling with the question of the value of the virtual world. I am not trying to knock the internet down. I love what it can do for us. I have connected with some amazing people through this technology, people I would have never had a chance to exchange ideas with otherwise. But at the same time I am realizing that I've been using it as an excuse or maybe an escape from real life. Because being a real friend can be difficult, sometimes painful, definitely time consuming.
When a real friend is talking, I cannot press the mute button. When tears show in my real friend's eyes, I cannot minimize or better yet, kill the window. When a real friend needs support, I cannot pretend I don't see it like I can with emails or text messages.
I cannot put real friendships, real relationships on hold for when I am less busy, or feel more like helping, being there, and listening. And that availability is what true friendship means to me. I have not been too bad in that department but I am afraid I am sinking into this holodeck world and I don't like it one little bit.
So I made a promise to myself and to my real and virtual friends that I will never refuse them time and space in my reality. As long as I have any time to spend in the virtual world, I will donate it gladly to whoever wants or needs a real talk where one can hear the other's tone of voice, see the face expression, can touch and hug if needed. No more 'busy' excuses, because in my life, I know that for sure, these are just excuses.
9 comments:
That's a hard article to read but thanks for sharing.
Friendship is friendship. Close friendship is close friendship. Sometimes it seems like work and sometimes it just seems.
It is hard to understand the whole virtual world as it invades our and blurs the lines of our traditional world. The main problem is that there is no right answer of what should it be. Fortunately there is a right answer for each of us. We just individually need to find it.
Thanks again.
A great post about the friendship. The virtual world has changed our lives and often the real and the virtual run together.
However thanks to Internet I had the possibility to meet and to know wonderful persons.
It is hard to combine the virtual and real world. I don't have a cell phone, but I get BEYOND annoyed if someone texts while they are hanging out with me. It makes me feel like I'm not as worthy of their attention as the person on the phone is.
I try to always devote 100% of my time with another person to them. No phone, no internet. Just us.
Virtual and real world need to be properly balanced or one takes over the other. When I find myself online too long one day, I'll have a "no computer" day the next. Seems to help me :)
I think the internet is a mixed blessing. So, the key is balance and not letting it take over one's life, I guess. Funny that my boys probably never remember a life without online connections and social media and wikipedia:) I still remember life before the internet, before email, before cell phones. I remember my first computer.
You are a true friend, with a heart of gold, both in the real world....and the virtual one. As one of my virtual friends said the other day the internet is a funny thing, you know people really well, but really don't know them at all. I feel that I know some of my virtual friends more than I know my real friends....and I don't see that as a problem, I just think my real friends are busy too and it's hard to make mutual times to meet whereas it's easy to sit down when you have a spare 15 minutes and catch up on a blog or FB. Real friend meet-ups are never in 15 minute increments, which is good, but definitely harder to schedule on both ends!
This is such a great post and a message we can all stand to hear. Plain and simple, you just "get" what life's all about. Cheers!
Wow - heartbreaking article.
I think it is important to strike a balance - clearly human contact is what we really need and while the internet and virtual friends / comments / concerns are real - they can't replace our immediate family and friends that live around us and know us and love us.
Great post.
Ewa, a really important message & post. I feel like Karen at Waisting time in that finding balance is key but it is hard & I remember the old days as us older folk call them.. do you think kids know what a typewrite is too???
I think I need to pay attention to what you wrote.. thx so much for making us think!
Whether we interact in person or in a virtual way, we are all real people with real feelings. Thanks for reminding us all to take time to be there for all types of friends. Hope all is well with you!
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